Erranticism

11th July 2004

11:09pm:

mulamadhyamakakarika

but what's the point of that, really?
i mean,
i don't even know who you are

i don't even know where you came from
and i certainly don't know why you're here.

there are a million things that would have to happen before i would ever be satisfied

but as for now, i'll tell you this

no one leaves here alive

the erranticist - 1/17/2007 12:32:00 PM

10th July 2004

2:42am:

she's not in love. she doesn't want to.

i'll carry you with me like a piece of lint in my pocket
who am i kidding, i fucking hate you all
i'm totally different, you wouldn't even want me

there's a smoky bar somewhere inside me where someone's playing the drums
someone's wearing a ring with bells on it, and it sounds like it's supposed to be
there.

but didn't i say those bells went away? before they were church bells, replaced by tinier rounder version, less intrusive.

but fuck, it's thundering outside. is that supposed to make me feel any better?

ohwell.

nothing is true.

the erranticist - 1/17/2007 12:30:00 PM

7th July 2004

11:13pm:

here's looking at you, kid.
i'm thinking things are going to be alright
(actually i know it)

i'm feeling a million itches under this skin
the slope of this line is zero
i heard the bells ringing days ago, and even though the feeling is long lost gone i still remember it

i've been trying to recall every word you've ever said
it helps me to fall asleep when i'm feeling uncomfortable inside my skin

things i've been thinking aren't necessarily what i thought i would be thinking, but they still make sense. that's all i care about
(besides you)

i'm missing a girl who feels a million miles away, and i know i could solve all her problems if only i could hold her in my arms
or if i could hold myself in her arms

i know i can do this, i know this is my plan, i know this is what i'm meant for. i know what i can do.

i know the price of everything and the value of nothing
wisdom or whatever
it just feels so good

the erranticist - 1/17/2007 12:29:00 PM

8th June 2004

8:45am:

and as for me?
well, you all know me
so fatalistic
everything sucks, and it always will, so on and whatever

i'm still feeling pretty good in spite of all that

i mean, i somehow developed this... thing.

i have nothing worthwhile at all to say.
i apologize for wasting your time

11:50pm:

this is making me
it feels so different to be me today.

i like how everyday being me is like being a different type of jen

i got discouraged, happy, and turned a cycle over in my head
i wrote today but it was shit
i think i'll be able to sleep tonight

i think i'll try again tomorrow

the erranticist - 1/17/2007 12:28:00 PM

21st June 2004

6:29pm:

the trick is to keep breathing

i'm not the same as i used to be, earlier today

i find myself crawling quickly back into a self that i used to be.

it feels like i'm struggling through muddy water.
it feels like i'm about to drown.

my nails are getting longer
and i want to use them
to claw my own eyes out

i hope someone can pull me out of this
(i hope i can do it myself actually)

the erranticist - 1/17/2007 12:26:00 PM

17th June 2004

12:11am:

good morning moon
today

i think i felt my atman

i think i saw god

i think i felt him move inside me.

goodnight moon

the erranticist - 1/17/2007 12:23:00 PM

4th June 2004

2:39pm:

i feel...
i dont know who today is, or what you are
i don't know when i am.

i can feel my head expanding, because there's just too much going on.

i want to just say no

but i'll probably just say hello

the erranticist - 1/17/2007 12:18:00 PM

Monday, January 03, 2005

i'd rather die of an overdose of happiness

so what the hell was that?
was life trying to move literally/
like when everyone picks up someone else's lighter, and moves it to a new spot
[i'm so scared]
the game never ends - and we just keep getting more fucked up
and you'll wake up the next day and not remember a goddamned thing
and it's so not surprising anymore that you just shrug/
and ignore the looks on their faces
it's almost like -
if you didn't remember it, then it didn't happen.
/similar to being invisible when you take off your glasses.
/similar to an alzheimer's patient making up a new reality.
[move backwards ten spaces]
it's like a band of fucking brits, walking into your apartment, knocking over the ashtrays,
and complaining that your beer doesn't taste any good
[they make up their own rules and write them all over your versions]
and when everyone leaves, it looks like a hotel room
the day after new year's...

...and just like i always am, here i go again...

...a transvestite butterfly in a moth's cocktail dress...

...when the substances run out i don't know how i'll deal with this...

...when the blood stops flowing we'll see the end to this mess...

the erranticist - 1/03/2005 07:45:00 PM

Friday, December 17, 2004

i'm bound for hell
or purgatory.
i really just want to penetrate myself
it's so symbolic. it's so phallic.

i'll push you in and i'll come out
i hate you.
why are you fucking like this. you make everyone so sad
and you don't even care.
you're so careless
and not to mention worthless
what are you even still doing here

life is no picnic
when are you going to stop snacking between meals

the erranticist - 12/17/2004 03:38:00 PM

Sunday, December 05, 2004

i must be in the land of pure imagination

i think
the feeling i have,
at this exact moment
could only possibly be described
by a word that doesn't even exist yet
something like,

orgasmadelic

or...fucktastic

i think you would agree
i think you're going to love the sound i'm hearing
i think you'd like the color
of my panties

something about
...this feeling could be described by a sigh with a swoon,a
... smoothly grinding rhythm
[jesus christ its like drugs]
and speaking of jesus...ha.

when my skin reacts to a thought such as this,
its something uncommon
there are other reactions just as surprising
such as that one right there...
its like that thing in that movie
that we watched
that one day.
it hits me, like someone hiding in the bushes.

i can feel it underneath my fingertips
on the tip of my lips
in my neck and my tits
how the fuck did it come to this

don't you know that's how it goes?
i can feel the bassline in my heartbeat just now
its a mellow beat
isn't it funny how my head plays games with me?

life's so rad.
a real rollercoaster ride.
so hey, if you wanna get on down,
i'll be right here.

the erranticist - 12/05/2004 02:00:00 PM

Self-improvement is masturbation.

i'm so masturbatory
i think chuck was onto something
i'm so good at fucking myself these days
if there was a contest i just might win
the one thing is
there's never a climax

it's like a mountain with no peak
it's like a book with no ending
it's like a life with no meaning

the erranticist - 12/05/2004 02:28:00 AM

attention alcohol disorder

sometimes even bliss can't make you happy.
[i was thinking about this poem the whole way over here]
where do we go when we're inside ourselves?
what is it that catches our attention?
what is it about alcohol that's so distracting?
why is it that i'm always so hopeful?

even happiness can't make me happy
{i kept thinking about that the whole way over here}
is it so painful or is it just boring?
who am i even asking?
there has got to be more than this
call me a dreamer
but this just isn't cutting it.

the erranticist - 12/05/2004 02:27:00 AM

Saturday, December 04, 2004

i object

there is still something wrong.
i knew no one understand the book when i wrote it, but i assumed it would be worth my time anyway. everyone who read it went crazy and they put me in jail.

loving a kid like me is like having your intestines pulled out through your mouth.

when i realized he'd stepped right onto a mine, a feeling of relief washed over me.
it would be that easy, and no one would ever know.

everything in the world can be put into words.
my words are working.
and i'm working as hard as i can't

the erranticist - 12/04/2004 08:01:00 PM

this writing is so full of bloody shit

can time ever be wasted? i cant hold it in my hands,
if you could wash your face right off,
maybe you would be happier?
i'm reaching out for this shit like it's my job-
but i'm just another unemployed kid.
this emptiness is so unconvincing.
and my skin just keeps on itching.
i don't have a reason to complain.
this life is really something
disabilitated laziness is what's making this boring.

the erranticist - 12/04/2004 07:33:00 PM

Friday, December 03, 2004

untitled story

He was there.
"This is a dream. I never imagined this would actually happen."
He was there.
"I know. It's been so long... it's almost awkward."
He wanted to kiss her. She'd told him a million times how much she wanted him to kiss her, but he was actually there this time. He looked her in the eye.
"I'm hungry. I've been starving for long enough."
He kissed her. Her instinct was to hold his head in her hands, and it was beautiful. It was enough to make her choke.
"I think I'm going to cry. I love you so much."
He pushed the hair back from her eyes. A single tear slid off the tip of her nose. He laughed.
"I love you too, kitten. You're adorable when you cry."
He took her in his arms, and studied her face. He loved her enough to take her away to Paris. She would love to learn French... such a romantic language.
"Let's stay in love forever."
The stars in her eyes shone brighter than anything he'd ever seen in the sky, and he got lost. He was inside her veins, pulsing red. Her heart looked even more beautiful from the inside.

Suddenly, he realized she was still in his arms.

"Oh kitty-cat. I'll love you until the stars in the sky don't twinkle anymore."
He was staring at her; it was making her dizzy. The room spun around until it was all white pure. When it was done, they lay down next to each other and to let their heads clear. Her soft purring lulled them both to sleep.

Later, she woke up alone.
"This still feels like a dream."
This time, no one answered. She went back to sleep.

the erranticist - 12/03/2004 08:24:00 PM

everything is such nonsense

if anyone knew anything, i'd be surprised to find it out.
let me tell you this story.
it began with a him and a her, a day late and a dollar short.
today it continues with a decathalon like you've never seen.
i hear them complaining, but i don't tell you how to fuck.
the walls groaned their bruises
but i'd like to compare them to my own
it might not be a contest now, but it was back then
i'm chasing him. and something else in life
it's confusing
the scratches are so benign these days.
it's lovely
but still
who the hell am i anyway

the erranticist - 12/03/2004 07:02:00 PM

they call me pandora

where am i what is this
who's there
a closed box
opened under the sky
words discarded and found again
bones broken on purpose make you grow.
flesh itches when it's healing
there's nothing here
i hope it's not empty forever

the erranticist - 12/03/2004 06:36:00 PM

Friday, November 26, 2004

skin, raised
feeling without feeling
it feels better with your eyes closed
more sensitive
skin, scarred
wanting to bleed, badly
not being able to
bleeding is believing
ironically, always in pain
never healing
connecting, relating
seeing yourself in something else
looking through the glass
pressing your hands
skin, isolated
illness without symptoms
definition without words
understanding nothing
knowing everything.
girl, hopeless.
spinning
girl, confused
seeing things that don't exist
not getting it
wanting,pulling hard
but not strong enough.
still spinning.
wishing.

one hand is always empty
frailness,beauty
meaningless.
less than everything.
the scene is on pause

the erranticist - 11/26/2004 11:31:00 PM

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

poems from a hospital.

1.its smells like hell in here
and i'm going crazy in silence
i don't feel any different
but they say that's going to change
i didn't think i'd do it but then
i actually did and when they asked
me what my problem was, all i could
say was, "pain."
i'm not so sure about the help.
but i'm not one to say
i can't wait for this to work
maybe then i'll be sane.

2.i want a cigarette.
i need something
i want to belong to
a group i never wanted
i've got this bracelet
made of jewels and sorrow
at least i know that while
i'm here there'll be tomorrow

3.it's so much easier to just smile, and say please and thank youto be so small and submissive and when they like me, so do i.
when i'm alone, there's no one there to tell me that i'm not
who i think i am.
i'm not who i see in the mirror.

4.i'm scared to go outside
i hate your eyes
i want to die
when the day comes
i'm all alone
then light is gone
i start to cry.
i don't know why.

5.i hear her whispers in the dark
she eats her words while she is sleeping
i however cannot sleep
i'm awake and i am dreaming

6.they don't know shit
they try to diagnose
but i just want to tell
them where to stick it
fuck all this noise
i'm going to break something
i don't know what to say
when they ask me if i
still want to die.
the answer is always yes.

7.my head is someplace else today
i want to tear down everything
and watch it crumble
what have i done to live like this
why do i feel this darkness
why am i filled with emptiness
why do my wrists ache for pain
why am i so sure that death
is the only way
what would make me want to stay
fuck it.
i hate this.

8.my hopes and dreams are always on a shelf i can't reach
there're no stepping stones lining this pathway
i could wait for now forever
but i'm sure now would never come
i'll be alone and cold
my pain today comes from deep inside me
it aches, as a punishment for being who i am
as every moment passes, hope drains
down into the time slip.
they looked like genuine jewels.
but i was tricked.
now i'm rich with fool's gold.
when there's nothing left to say
will i even feel anything
or will the pain just stay
the pain always stays.
coming and going in the market,
all the fruit were rotten inside.
i tasted them all, just to be sure.

the erranticist - 11/23/2004 11:20:00 AM

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

'Oh, no,' he objected

i just want to forget you happened
if i could remove the scars like cysts
if i could take the stains out, i'd be a genius
but i couldn't stop them
it was like icicles coming from inside me.
i felt like i had no idea where i was.
i was only a block away.
i felt like i would have died right there
if i hadn't decided not to

i wish you wouldn't do that

there were no napkins.
story of my life.
but it was okay.
i wrapped myself in a letter.
today, that letter is in the wastebin.
unnervingly appropriate

i scream to get off
i fall to dream
i die to be free

the erranticist - 11/10/2004 02:11:00 AM

Monday, November 08, 2004

we were under a spell of stupor, and it rained heavily

something's in the air. in my lungs.
when you came outside, the leaves blew everywhere. it was like god felt lonely, and sighed
my coat wasn't thick enough to keep out your wind
when the bells rang on the hour, i thought you had gotten inside my head and just made me fucking crazy
so tomorrow, i'll carry my umbrella

the smoke's not as thick as my skin.
he saw her and breathed out
nothing could move like that
it was like a shimmer, on a digital screen
a blink, a hallucination, a bit of deja vu
"it must be you"

cigarette smoke looks purple in the air.
her face was red
"who did this to you?"
the same as ever, the one inside
i saw you tomorrow, i'll be you yesterday
the screams were louder than churchbells

writing a letter to the editor, she paused
what if she was wrong?
what if these opinions were all based on falsehoods?
she sent the letter anyway

and nobody gave a shit

the erranticist - 11/08/2004 05:48:00 PM

this time, the time is irrelevant
you're a replicant
my time is your essence, and somewhat existence
words are a way to fuck with the rest
and i watch you slowly as you get undressed
you're impressed
i'm despicable
i'm untied
you're uninterested
something in your eyes tells me i shouldn't have worried at all
and i shouldn't have wasted the time
to only have this be so extraneous

the erranticist - 11/08/2004 03:47:00 PM

the barman, agitated, pulled

i was not paying attention
you hit me so hard i didn't feel it
when i drove by your house, i expected a party
i only saw half of the lights on.
secrets and surprises were all i was looking for
but long nights and warms arms were what i got.

when i died, you came to my funeral.

everything i ever wanted,
i saw in a heart that wasn't mine,
a head that wasn't mine
and i felt my hand inside a hand that wasn't mine.
i bled into your wounds and your salt was in my tears
i must have been looking over your shoulder
while you were looking inside my heart

how did i miss that? i'm not sure about this.
but then again i'm not sure about anything.
and when you hold me, honey, i won't protest
my heart might skip a beat
but hey you've got impeccable timing

the erranticist - 11/08/2004 01:15:00 PM

Friday, November 05, 2004

i think there are few things more beautiful than the sound of a knife sharpened slowly by hand to the beat of a good song. the noise is like my skin grating against your face, after five o' clock.

you think i don't care maybe, but i don't think you have a fucking clue. i care about everyone, just myself the most. maybe i need to assert myself more, i have a feeling i'm being grossly misunderstood.

the erranticist - 11/05/2004 08:34:00 PM

Wednesday, November 03, 2004

today is just a day. the sun came up, and i'm still alive. that's good for something.

it felt to good to finally confess. i felt as though i was being watched through glass, but after i got used to it, i enjoyed the attention. you'd think in a room that small the walls would start to close in but they actually expanded, and i'll let you know it was a pleasant surprise. she didn't say anything, and i put her in a pile but she didn't even seem to mind.
something about this is fucking liberating.

there's a word for times like these, but i don't know it. there's a word for everything. but i don't even care. when you wake up one day and you're not alive anymore, you'll realize you shouldn't have spent so much time talking

the erranticist - 11/03/2004 03:37:00 PM

There is a quality about the morning that I do not like. Depressing songs ring much more true at this time of day. When I'm alone, I feel like I could scream forever. I cover my mouth with my hands so that I cannot be honest.
Honesty would betray my cause. My whole life has been battlescars and my whole world is constantly shaking. But that's not everything.

I can't stay awake, but I can't fall asleep. I'm constantly craving something. My fingernails are weak.

My eyes can't focus.

My brain doesn't fucking work!

This shit is all over me like a picture on film.

the erranticist - 11/03/2004 09:14:00 AM

Thursday, October 28, 2004

saw your picture on the milk carton
something about stripes makes you look amazing
something about your eyes makes you look dirty
i hope you'll tell me what it is you're thinking
i would have enslaved you gently
if only i could have tied you up
i'm slowly breaking your will while i'm sucking you off
i'd crack your skull to eat your brains
just to get inside your head
i don't want to waste my time
counting the seconds until i'm dead

i'm too intimidating maybe
but i was born with these scars baby

the world could belong to us if we snatched it away fast enough
don't worry about what happens afterwards
we'll have to just find out

the erranticist - 10/28/2004 12:54:00 AM

Tuesday, October 26, 2004

it doesn't work. something broke, and i can't fix it. they don't specialize in these things. when i pulled, you pushed. snapped like a spine. except there's no brace for this break. and no killer for this pain.

when the sun rose today, it hated what it saw and went back down. the moon has no place in a sky this ugly. and when all the children grow up, they'll realize it was all a joke. and they'll pull the stars down in spite.

anything that violent can't be good for you. no matter how good it feels, wounds don't heal wounds. and all you're doing is worrying the people around you. not that you even fucking care.

there is no escape into the clouds. water vapor won't hold the weight on your shoulders. you'll have to bulk up if you want to keep going. i only hope you can stop kidding yourself before you collapse from exhaustion.

please remember how strong you were and are. don't fuck around. the sky is no joke. the sea is limitless. all these things are inside you.

the erranticist - 10/26/2004 01:58:00 PM

Monday, October 25, 2004

tomorrow is already here

there was a girl. naivete was something she hadn't heard of. repetition was the theme of her life. fatalism prevailed; dark clouds often paused while travelling over her. behind her a trail of chains always followed. a greater burden was never carried.

sometimes while meditating, wounds would open themselves in her flesh. it resembled stigmata. the stains of blood never came out of the carpet. she would come home and find things missing on a daily basis. it felt like she was slowly being sucked dry.

she hoped life would come to a climax. she hoped a prince would come. she hoped the future would arrive. it never did.

the day she died, she confessed that she had always known life was a waste of time

the erranticist - 10/25/2004 10:39:00 AM

Tuesday, October 19, 2004

once on accident and never again

i dropped my shoe
ate it
licked the moon clean of all its drippings
washed my face with a bar of soap i found next to the computer in the lounge
traded your id to your stalker for a box of fortune cookies
painted a jungle on your ceiling so you would be more comfortable at night
wore a sombrero while bowling in the hallway
sang the teenage dirtbag song with a boy who was a teenager, and a dirtbag.
wrote to me that i was an angel, and that he wanted to be with me in every way possible.

(some of this is a lie)

the erranticist - 10/19/2004 01:32:00 AM

i wish i was your teeth.

i brush your hair from your face

we joke about our charms

me so evil, and you so aware

when you talk to me

you're always licking your teeth

the erranticist - 10/19/2004 01:30:00 AM

Saturday, October 16, 2004

i've got him written all over me
and it feels like dirty graffiti

i am worth anyone's sex
but they don't know it

manicured nails don't leave better scratchmarks
and her face is no promise

oh you are pathetic.
and to think i thought you were something

the erranticist - 10/16/2004 05:12:00 PM

Thursday, October 14, 2004

he's killing me
and i'm loving it
he's eating my brain
and i'm consumed by lust
my insides are gnawing at my self-control

i like the way it is now

the erranticist - 10/14/2004 12:44:00 PM

Thursday, September 16, 2004

sometimes it's six of one and half a dozen of the other.
sometimes
i feel like this is all i ever want to do

i feel so apologetic for every falsification
i'm not what you think
but i'm only half sure of that.

but i have this feeling that i can be what you don't think i am
or what i don't think i am
or just what i'm not

i'm sorry for being so confusing.
but trust me, the weather's as bad inside as it is out

the erranticist - 9/16/2004 02:31:00 PM

Friday, September 10, 2004

i find myself saying
i wish time would go faster, or
i wish things were like they used to be
but i know i'm glad they're not

what the hell is wrong with me
is anyone else this much of a contradiction?

i have absolutely no discipline
however i was told today that i'm a scholarly stoner.
i'll make a list that no one will see
and see how much i stick to it

i'm only disappointing myself
and that's an accomplishment too

the erranticist - 9/10/2004 04:50:00 PM

Thursday, September 09, 2004

all the girls are dressed like sailors

you are a sailor.
a drunken one.
i like sailor tattoos
and sometimes
i curse like a sailor.
or
smoke like a chimney!

i like pirates,
but i don't think sailors do
and ninjas also do not like pirates.

they have peg legs and eye patches
and say ARRRR MATEY
SHIVER ME TIMBERS
and things like that.
YO HO HO.

the erranticist - 9/09/2004 05:02:00 PM

Sunday, August 29, 2004

magic, color, motion, movement, bubbles, and passion

its all good.
i feel something!
i feel
fuller
maybe not
maybe emptier
which is better??
i feel angry! no, not angry. excited! happy! forlorn.
they all mean the same thing!
i feel relieved
i feel satisfied.
overly satisfied.
three times satisfied.
i want muscles
i want speed.
i want powerrr...
i want everything!
i'm selfish!
i'm self-centered!
i judge you!!!
i hate you!!!
i'm ecstatic.
i want him and her and me
i want a house inside of a high school
i want a pool in my living room.
i want a living room in my pool.
i want independence.
i want money fame fortune.
i want to travel
i want simplicity, poverty, and non-materialism.
i want everything and nothing.

there's only one way.
please work at it.

the erranticist - 8/29/2004 11:45:00 PM

Tuesday, August 10, 2004

he blew in quicker than a breeze

he stole my... time?
he stole my mind
he stole my will to be alone
i was unaware
we were just talking
who knew what would happen

in a flash of black and red,
his mouth was on mine
(or was it mine on his? i forget, but god
it was something to remember)

and when the next one came through,
clouds of pink, purple, maybe blue
i was carried away with it
and i can't care about anything else

now what am i supposed to do.
this wasn't part of the plan.
this could be the best or worst
thing to ever make me happy

the erranticist - 8/10/2004 01:04:00 PM

Wednesday, August 04, 2004

the worth of wishes

my dad told me i could wish in one hand and shit in the other and see which one got full first.
he also told me that opinions were like assholes because everyone had one.
that got me in trouble once or twice. but i still wish. and i still hold my opinions closer to my heart more than i do most people. i think they're more trustworthy

i wish certain people would change
i wish i could love someone more than he'll let me
some things in my life are going rather well
i'm happy about that but at the same time i wish
i wish people would understand that i don't like to be touched
i wish people would understand that i don't like to be around people

i'm so busy these days trying to live and i hate this schedule
but what else am i supposed to do, really i just wish

the erranticist - 8/04/2004 01:08:00 PM

Monday, July 26, 2004

at some points, it still feels like there's something inside of me, eating my entrails
maybe it's a fire
burning me alive from the inside
maybe it's me not being able to tell anyone how i really feel

maybe it's food poisoning.

there are times when i know so much better than this

the erranticist - 7/26/2004 12:28:00 AM

Thursday, July 22, 2004

i think maybe, many years ago, i was born in the desert. i only half believe that, because my memories of jesus are so long gone, but i'm almost sure that it was something good

however since then, i've been traveling over too many dry grains of sand. my time feels like it's going down. after hell and high water, i don't know what the fucking point was at all

i feel like god has cast me out of heaven, and thrown me here. here i am, upon what were once knees

i don't know how i ever thought laying with the devil would bring me closer to god

the erranticist - 7/22/2004 03:53:00 AM

Sunday, July 11, 2004

I hate my life.
Every day I polish my revolver.
And I shoot my head,
like a rock star.

the erranticist - 7/11/2004 11:50:00 PM

This woman literally felt she had a hook in her head. She walked about getting her hook caught in doorways and etc. She shook it up. She was strong. Literally. To the docks with her. She was so tired that she would just lay down for days at a time. Hibernation. Fucking cunt. Then one day she died. The doctors mentioned something about a foreign object.
The moral of the story is: she had never recalled enjoying anything.

the erranticist - 7/11/2004 11:44:00 PM

Saturday, July 10, 2004

The other day I dreamt I murdered a man with my bare hands.
I'd never met him before,
but I still believe to this day that he deserved it.

the erranticist - 7/10/2004 04:30:00 PM

i'll carry you with me like a piece of lint in my pocket
who am i kidding, i fucking hate you all
i'm totally different, you wouldn't even want me

there's a smoky bar somewhere inside me where someone's playing the drums
someone's wearing a ring with bells on it, and it sounds like it's supposed to be there.
but didn't i say those bells went away? before they were church bells, replaced by tinier rounder version, less intrusive.

but fuck, it's thundering outside. is that supposed to make me feel any better?

ohwell.

nothing is true.

the erranticist - 7/10/2004 02:46:00 AM

Thursday, July 08, 2004

high and drunk
drunk on cum
high on hair, on the chests of men
drunk on the lips of women
and high on the softness of their skin
drunk on love
and high on life

the erranticist - 7/08/2004 09:36:00 PM

Wednesday, July 07, 2004

i'm thinking things are going to be alright
(actually i know it)

i'm feeling a million itches under this skin
the slope of this line is zero
i heard the bells ringing days ago, and even though the feeling is long lost gone i still remember it
i've been trying to recall every word you've ever said
it helps me to fall asleep when i'm feeling uncomfortable inside my skin
things i've been thinking aren't necessarily what i thought i would be thinking, but they still make sense. that's all i care about
(besides you)

i'm missing a girl who feels a million miles away,
and i know i could solve all her problems if only i could hold her in my arms
or if i could hold myself in her arms
i know i can do this, i know this is my plan, i know this is what i'm meant for.
i know what i can do.
i know the price of everything and the value of nothing
wisdom or whatever
it just feels so good

the erranticist - 7/07/2004 11:13:00 PM

I've got someone else's eyes, and I think most people that know me realize that.

They're stolen, and it's obvious.

the erranticist - 7/07/2004 09:34:00 PM

Monday, June 21, 2004

i'm not the same as i used to be, earlier today
i find myself crawling quickly back into a self that i used to be.
it feels like i'm struggling through muddy water.
it feels like i'm about to drown.
my nails are getting longer
and i want to use them
to claw my own eyes out
i hope someone can pull me out of this
(i hope i can do it myself actually)

the erranticist - 6/21/2004 06:29:00 PM

Friday, June 04, 2004

i dont know who today is, or what you are
i don't know when i am.

i can feel my head expanding,
because there's just too much going on.

i want to just say no
but i'll probably just say hello

the erranticist - 6/04/2004 02:52:00 PM